As I hinted at in the last post being in formation and study has been somewhat of a challenging time. One can almost glimpse into the pain and emotion Jesus may have felt in the Garden of Gesthemane. At one level there is a feeling that God is calling me to ordained ministry and on another the process seems to be just too overwhelming and too difficult to manage. It begs the question then is this sense of call something worth ‘fighting’ for. The trick is finding the point by which one can say ‘let this cup pass’ or ‘not my will but yours’.
It is hard to know the general consensus of others going through formation but I suspect there are varying degrees of ‘Gesthemane’ experiences going on for people. There is a sense of becoming the body broken, a complete self emptying so that God can put us back together in the way God wants us to be.
A few weeks back I thought I had a solution to part of the problem I was going through and some things began to make a little sense. But it has not turned out to be so crystal clear as it was. That in part has really thrown me and I have really reached the place of asking is it better to let the cup pass or can I get to that sense of not by my will but yours.
I’m not sure how one gets to that place.